ENGAGED? CONGRATS!

GREAT MARRIAGES REQUIRE GREAT PARTNERS. ACTIVELY PREPARE TO BECOME ONE.

WE at DPTC are SO happy that you’ve found each other, and we wish you the best! As you can imagine, EVERYONE goes into a marriage thinking that it is perfect and will last forever. Then why are divorces still happening at an alarming rate? You might prefer to avoid the topic of “causes of divorce,” but it needs to be addressed now, not later. It’s easier now, and harder later.

Divorce avoidance, and becoming a great spouse, starts now. 

Don’t just leave it to chance. Invest the time to build a strong foundation, as strong and wise partners.  We strongly suggest that you take the initiative, get on it, and PREPARE NOW:

• Learn how to avoid some future challenges, and how to properly handle those that will come. 
• IMPROVE and CHANGE as necessary (today’s society will surely NOT tell you how – and you CERTAINLY can’t get much good guidance from secular television or other parts of today’s society!)
• Do not marry for personal pleasure, to look good in the eyes of others, for pain avoidance, or to fulfill yourself. Go into it with that sort of mindset, and your marriage relationship will suffer. You’re not the exception to this rule.

What God has joined together, let no one split apart. (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9) God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and provides only two allowable reasons for it. (However, the causes of those two should be pre-avoided in the first place.)

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There are things you can do to divorce-proof yourself and your future relationship – gaining the tools for a Successful Marriage starts Now. It begins by putting your marriage THIRD in importance. Yep, THIRD.

1. Get to know God – He invented you, invented marriage and its guidelines, and created the world. He is the foundation of it all, so skipping this step in order to pridefully be all tough and selfish. Common, but stupid. He created you for a purpose, and ”You” – your stuff, your pleasure, your winning, is not the purpose. IT’S NOT ABOUT FINDING THE PERFECT MATE; IT’S ABOUT ACTIVELY STRIVING TO BECOME THE PERFECT MATE. Click here for a list of helpful materials >>
2. Not only did He invent you and invent marriage, He also gave us a lifeline – a clue – His instruction manual – the Bible! Shed all the old “Well, I was brought up this way, I’m an adult now, and I ain’t changing. Learning and changing ended after high school” crap. It’s not helping. All your problems, and all the world’s problems, are solved in that owner’s manual; why aren’t you reading it? PRIDE (and its minion, unmet expectations), SELFISHNESS and UNFORGIVENESS are poisons. You gotta let ’em go, friend.
3. Commit to treat your spouse and the marriage covenant as more important than you, and expect nothing in return. Do this well, all the time, sacrificially, and he/she will WANT to give you LOTS of good stuff in return.
4. Children someday? Great! You’ll love them. You’ll want the best for them. You’ll want them to succeed, and many will want their kids to “have an even better life than you did.” Really? Reallyl If you do, then you’ll provide for them a proper LEGACY: A consistent loving example of “how to treat a spouse, how to do life day-to-day, how to be kind, unselfish, and patient, and how to act once they’re your age” – NOT by putting your needs above theirs, NOT by smoking, swearing, gossiping, or drinking in their presence, and NOT by badmouthing the other parent in front of them. If there is dysfunction in your family and in your upbringing, YOU be the one to BREAK. THE. CYCLE.
5. In fifth place comes everything else…hobbies, friendships, activities, work, sports, and everything else. You name it; it belongs out of the top 4.

POORLY PREPARED PARTNERS END UP IN POORLY CONSTRUCTED MARRIAGES, AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO FIX IT. GET INTO TRAINING NOW, TO BECOME A GREAT MARRIAGE PARTNER.

Resources:

• The Bible (Pick an easier to read version, such as New Living Translation, New American Standard Bible, English Standard version, or New King James Version. Where to start? See a good, Bible-preaching pastor – or talk to us.)
• “True Spirituality” by Chip Ingram
• “How to Find Your Lifelong Companion” by Charles Swindoll
• “The Resolution for Men” by Kendrick and Kendrick
• “Weird” by Craig Groeschel
• “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan
• “Five Moral Fences” by James MacDonald
• “Saving Your Marriage before It Starts” by Les and Leslie Parrott
• “True Woman 101: Divine Design” by Kassian and Demoss
• “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
• “Different by Design” from Grace to You (www.gty.org)
• “Five Lies that Ruin Relationships” by Chip Ingram
• “Your Money Counts” by Howard Dayton
• “Overcoming Emotions that Destroy” by Chip Ingram
• “Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships” by Chip Ingram
• “Act Like Men” by Dr. James MacDonald
• “Swipe Right (The Life and Death Power of Sex and Romance)” by Pastor Levi Lusko
• “His Perfect Faithfulness” by Eric and Leslie Ludy
• “Forgiving Others – Joining Wisdom and Love” by Timothy S. Lane
• “Preparing for Marriage” – ed. Dennis Rainey
• “Five to Thrive: How to Determine if Your Core Needs are Being Met” by Dr. Kathy Koch
• Movie: “Flywheel”
• Movie: “Courageous”
• Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing after Sexual Abuse, by Mary DeMuth
• When The Man You Love Was Abused, by Cecil Murphy
• Love Letters from the Edge: Meditations for Those Struggling with Brokenness, Trauma, and the Pain of Life, by Shelly Beach and Wanda Sanchez
• Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships, by Frank Minirth and Paul Meier
• The God Who Sees You: Look to Him When You Feel Discouraged, Forgotten, or Invisible, by Tammy Maltby
• Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today, by Larry and Kathy Miller
• Every Man’s Battle, Revised and Updated 20th Anniversary Edition: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker
• “The Sacred Search: What if it’s Not about Who You Marry, but Why?” by Gary Thomas

GREAT MARRIAGES DON’T JUST HAPPEN. THEY ALWAYS TAKE WORK. BUILD A MARRIAGE THAT WILL LAST.

Resources:

• www.markmerrill.com
• www.marriagerevolution.com
• http://familyfoundations.org/ (family financial counseling organization)
• www.focusonthefamily.org; call 1-800-AFAMILY for counseling
• www.familytalk.org
• “Ready to Wed: 12 Ways to Start a Marriage You’ll Love” edited by Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley
• “The Fulfilled Family” by John MacArthur
• “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas
• Devotional: “Devotions for a Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas
• “Married. Happily. (Secrets to a Great Marriage)” by Greg Laurie
• “Questions Couples Ask” by Les and Leslie Parrott
• “The Art of Marriage” from Family Life Publishing
• “Choose to be Happily Married” by Bonnie Jacobson
• “A Pre-Marriage Checklist” by Dr. Clyde Narramore
• “Building a Marriage That Lasts” by Dr. James C. Dobson
• “The Surprising Secrets of Highly, Happy Marriages” by Shaunti Feldhahn
• “Rekindling the Romance” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
• “Building Your Marriage To Last” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
• “Preparing for Marriage: Discover God’s Plan for a Lifetime,” edited by Dennis Rainey
• “Living by Vows” by Robertson McQuilkin
• “Money and Marriage God’s Way” by Howard Dayton
• “Experiencing God’s Dream for your Marriage” by Chip Ingram
• “Improving Communication in your Marriage” by Gary and Barbara Rosberg
• “Building your Marriage” by Dennis Rainey
• “Kingdom Marriage” by Tony Evans
• “You and Me Forever (Marriage in Light of Eternity)” by Francis and Lisa Chan
• “Four Secrets to a Forever Marriage: Marriage Tops from a Not-So-Perfect Husband” by Michael Letney
• Daily Devotional: “Moments Together for Couples” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
• “Before You Say ‘I Do’ ” by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts
• “Making Love Last: Divorce-Proofing Your Young Marriage” by Laura Taggart
• How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage, by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
• Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage, by Dave Carder
• Beginning Life Together (from the “Doing Life Together” DVD series by Zondervan)